So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i would punch a child for taco bell
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
