elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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