Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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