are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Found your dick twin last night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
