Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
