it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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