I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
