So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
