are you so shy because you have an std?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
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