I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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