The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
