You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
