If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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