I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
