I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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