So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Randomize
