Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
