GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
