dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
