If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
