I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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