Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
