I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
