just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
