I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
