What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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