I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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