Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
