Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Randomize
