Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
