You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
