she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
