is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The adults are the big ones right?
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