Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
