I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
