Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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