Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
