This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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