So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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