We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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