Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
