The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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