Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
