She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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