So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Vodka?
Forever.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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