oh fat girl friday strikes again...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
