Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
