hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
