Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have already put on my inside pants.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
