when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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